Welcome one and all to the start of Hold 322’s second annual Tournament of Heroes. As you may recall, last year we had a field of 64 heroes and in the end Thor was the last one standing. This year’s tournament will be much different than last year’s in several ways. This year the field of heroes is only 32, not 64, and broken up into four 8 hero teams managed by each of the four chuckle-heads who host Hold 322. There are no seeds or brackets. This year’s tournament will involve challenges, defenses, judges and the roll of a twelve sided dice.
To better understand what that means, read on and also be sure to listen in to this week’s episode of Hold 322 to hear the tournament thus far as it happened!
So far we have done eight hero battles, which is half of round one. Here are this week’s results:
Fight One: Squirrel Girl vs. Optimus Prime
As the person who had the first draft pick, Jeff was given the chance to be the first challenger and he kicked off this year’s tournament by challenging Thom’s team and attacking with Squirrel Girl! Thom defended with the leader of the Auto-bots, Optimus Prime, and chose the leader of Hold 322, JC, to be the judge for the fight.
Thom made some good arguments for why Optimus Prime would easily defeat Squirrel Girl, even going so far as to reference some 1986 live action movie that I’m convinced only came out in Canada, but the Judge was more convinced by Jeff’s arguments that Squirrel Girl and her army of squirrel friends would overwhelm the heroic diesel truck, and placed his vote for the bushy tailed avenger. Luckily for Thom, the roll of the D-12 was on his side.
Winner: Optimus Prime!
Fight Two: Ice Man vs. Doctor Fate
Next it was the radioactive professor’s turn to challenge, so JC decided to take on his sidekick supreme, Ultimate Bob, with original X-Men team member, Ice Man (insert Top Gun joke here) aka Bobby Drake. Bob countered with Doctor Fate, chose Jeff as the judge, and the fight was on. JC was on his game, making surprisingly great arguments for why Bobby Drake would overcome the magical powers of Dr. Fate, but Jeff still thought the golden helmed wizard would just prove too much for the icy young mutant and the twelve sided dice, agreed with the judge’s ruling, sealing Ice Man’s frosty fate.
Winner: Doctor Fate!
Fight Three: Mr. Immortal vs. Invisible Woman
Then it was Thom’s turn and he too decided to challenge Bob’s team, sending the Mr. Immortal into the fray against Bob’s choice, Sue Storm aka the Invisible Woman! JC was made judge and the battle commenced. JC was impressed with how well Thom thought out a scenario in which Mr. Immortal might actually win, but in the end he couldn’t bet against Sue’s power advantage and the dice agreed with the judge.
Winner: Invisible Woman!
Fight Four: the Sentry vs. Constantine
Finally Bob got his chance to challenge and decided to go against Jeff’s team using the Sentry. Jeff refused Bob’s taunts to put Captain Kirk into harm’s way, and instead pitted Constantine against the super being with the power of a thousand exploding suns. Thom appreciated Sentry’s power advantage but bought Jeff’s arguments that Constantine would be able to pull out enough magic trickery to defeat the powerful hero with the split personality. However, it was apparent Constantine failed to hex the dice in his favor.
Winner: the Sentry!
Fight Five: Wonder Man vs. Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers)
This fight between Jeff and JC’s teams pitted two former lovers and Avengers teammates against each other as Wonder Man and Captain Marvel faced off in first round action! Both combatants seemed evenly matched to the fight’s judge, Thom, who declared a draw. It was left up to the dice to decide.
Winner: Wonder Man!
Fight Six: the Thing vs. Wonder Woman
When JC challenged Thom with the ever loving blue eyed Thing, everyone’s favorite Canadian comic fan responded by sending the Amazonian warrior princess, Wonder Woman into battle with the rocky skinned resident of the Baxter Building. Bob was picked to judge the fight and admitted to liking both characters almost equally. Even though Thom’s arguments were not as convincing to Bob as JC’s were, the judge still rued in favor of Wonder Woman since he just couldn’t shake from his mind how well she had fought against both Zod and Faora in recent issues of Superman / Wonder Woman. The dice however, were obviously not rigged by the Yancy Street Gang and the ruling was overturned.
Winner: the Thing!
Fight Seven: Hercules vs. Thor
Heroes from mythology, who also just happen to be long standing rivals in the Marvel universe, collided once again in this opening round slobber-knocker when Thom’s team challenged Jeff’s, with JC as the judge. This one was brutal, with smack talk flying as furiously as were hammers, maces and fists, but when the dust settled, so had the judge’s verdict and the twelve sided dice.
Fight Eight: Luke Cage vs. Superman
In a strange turn of events Bob found himself arguing against his lifelong favorite DC superhero and calling one of his closest friends a racist in this final battle of the week. Bob had challenged JC with Luke Cage but was obviously taken by surprise to find his guy up against the legendary Man of Steel. Bob’s emotional responses and wild accusations fell flat and Thom sided with Superman. So did the dice.
So that’s it for this week’s matches. Join us next week when eight more heroes fall as we wrap up round one of this year’s exciting tournament. Remember to listen to Hold 322 every Tuesday on iTunes, Stitcher and Hold 322.com! For all of us at the world’s greatest comic book podcast, this is Robert Easton wishing you a wonderfully nerdy week. Alons-y!